The Process & Practice of Validation
Validation as Repair: A Trauma-Informed Approach to Communication
The Nine Steps of Validation are a practical framework for real conversations
The Process & Practice of Validation (Extended Edition) is a practical, trauma-informed guide to one of the most foundational communication skills we have: helping another person feel genuinely seen, heard, accepted, and valued.
This extended ebook goes beyond scripts and “right things to say.” It teaches validation as a process, an internal practice, and a relational stance—one that transforms conflict, deepens trust, and lays the groundwork for real connection.
What This Book Is (and Isn’t)
Validation is often misunderstood as agreement, reassurance, or positivity. It’s none of those. Validation is the ability to stay present with another person’s emotional reality—without fixing, minimizing, arguing, or bypassing discomfort. This book shows you how.
Inside, you’ll learn:
What validation actually is (and what commonly gets mistaken for it)
Why emotional invalidation can be traumatic—even when it’s unintentional
How validation supports nervous system regulation and emotional safety
Why validation must start with self-validation
How to validate without agreeing or approving harmful behavior
Why validation is the gateway to problem-solving, boundaries, and repair
FAQs
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This book is for anyone who:
Works with people in moments of distress, conflict, or vulnerability
Wants fewer power struggles and more meaningful connection
Feels unsure what to say—or when silence is more powerful
Wants trauma-informed tools that are human, not clinical or scripted
Understands that repair matters as much as intention
It is especially useful for:
Therapists, coaches, and clinicians
Educators and school staff
Parents and caregivers
Leaders and facilitators
Anyone committed to relational integrity
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The Validation Course teaches these skills through guided instruction and integration.
This ebook is the foundational reference:
Something you can return to again and again
A way to deepen understanding between sessions
A practical companion to the course material
👉 If you enroll in the Validation Course, you’ll receive this ebook free.
What’s Inside the Extended Edition
This expanded collection brings together core teachings, applied examples, and deeper reflections, including:
The Nine Steps of Validation
A clear, repeatable framework that guides you through:
Slowing down and regulating yourself
Identifying and validating your internal “yeah-buts”
Listening with curiosity and heart
Speaking understanding from an embodied place
Real-World Case Studies
Detailed examples from:
Families and parenting
Classrooms and schools
Clinical and helping relationships
Adolescents navigating identity, conflict, and distress
Traumatic Invalidation
An in-depth exploration of how repeated emotional invalidation impacts the nervous system, identity, and sense of safety—and how validation can begin to repair that harm.
Validation in High-Stakes Moments
Including thoughtful discussions on:
Validating adolescents at their worst
Responding to suicidality with care, presence, and responsibility
Maintaining boundaries while staying relationally connected
An Ecology of Validation
How validation extends beyond individual conversations into families, schools, organizations, and communities—and why sustainable change requires environments that support emotional safety.