How to Talk with Teens About All the Hard Things
October 1, 2025 – These are extraordinary times, unprecedented in American history and unprecedented in the history of our species. These are hard times, and the list of hard things is long, from gun violence in schools to fascist movements at home and abroad to climate crisis. Romantic relationships, how to fit in, grades, navigating parental disapproval, and their plans for the future are hard things for adolescents now, and they were hard 20 years ago, 50 years ago, and even 100 years ago. Still challenging and potent for today’s kids. And my guess is that they’ll be hard 50 years from now. This is the essential nature of Adolescence. Daily life matters to them—deeply. In my experience, teenagers are going to feel the impact of the death of a relatively unknown up-and-coming rapper who spoke directly to their lived experiences almost as strongly as they react to the gloomy forecasts for climate change.
So how do we talk with them about the hard things? Do we have a different kind of conversation about Charlie Kirk than one where they tell us about their struggle with the shitty manager at work? Do we make more space and time and have more concern when they are wrestling with ICE agents in the neighborhood than we do when they get publicly shamed by their basketball coach?
In a word, no.
For teenagers, the things of the world are personal, and the personal is their whole world. Their thoughts can be equally consumed by news of the latest school shooting, the life of their favorite YouTuber, and the fight between mom and dad last night. When the communal or political come close, for example, the death of a classmate from a drive-by shooting or participating in a school protest against anti-LGBTQIA+ policies, adolescents take it all to heart. They grieve and mourn with authentic fervor and sometimes melodramatically, and they protest passionately and eloquently.
How adults meet teens in these spaces is crucial.
Listen First, Explain or Debate Later
So often, adults enter conversations with teens armed with solutions, strategies, or explanations. But adolescents are not looking for quick fixes—what they long for is recognition. To sit across from an adult who says, “Yes, that is hard,” or “I feel the weight of that too,” is profoundly validating. Listening first opens the door to trust. Only then does advice, perspective, or a story from your own life have a chance to land.
Hold All of It Without Minimizing
One of the most important skills for adults is resisting the urge to rank struggles. It’s tempting to brush off a heartbreak as “puppy love” or minimize anxiety over a canceled concert when a war is raging overseas. But in the adolescent heart, all these experiences coexist with equal gravity. Meeting them where they are—without judgment about what should matter most—gives them space to metabolize grief, confusion, or fear in their own rhythm.
Modeling Self-Energy in the Chaos
In extraordinary times, the most stabilizing gift adults can offer is their own calm presence, to do their own work, taking care of their own protector parts, and access Self Energy. Teens are exquisitely sensitive to hypocrisy: they notice when adults tell them to breathe but never slow down themselves, or when adults preach hope but drip with cynicism. By practicing groundedness, honesty, and compassion in our own lives, we show them it is possible to face hard things without collapsing under them.
Inviting Critical Engagement & Meaning-Making
Talking about hard things with teens also means helping them notice patterns of power and oppression without drowning in despair. We can encourage them to ask: Who benefits from this situation? Who is harmed? What actions are possible for someone my age? These questions are not meant to burden them with adult-level responsibility but to nurture a sense of agency. Protest, poetry, art, and humor are all ways teens translate outrage into action and find community in the struggle. Creativity and imagination are powerful tools and resources for hard times and hard things. Educators are well-situated to host conversations that make meaning of life events. A classroom of peers and an experienced facilitator create the container for exploratory considered dialogue and sometimes lively necessary debate. Adolescents thrive on these intentional interactions. And they need them.
Staying in the Long Game
Finally, conversations with adolescents are rarely one-and-done. A single heart-to-heart may feel fleeting, but showing up consistently—checking in the next day, circling back a week later—teaches teens that adults can be trusted to walk alongside them through ongoing uncertainty. Hard things rarely resolve quickly, but being held in relationship through them can make all the difference. And it doesn’t matter if you are a parent, teacher, school secretary, or next-door neighbor. Yes, it’s a cliché but it’s a good one — you are the village that this child needs to navigate life when the going gets tough.
Closing Thoughts
We live in a world where the political, the personal, and the global collapse into one swirling ecosystem, and kids feel this. As adolescent service providers, we have golden opportunities to walk beside then through these rough initiations, to let them see our humanity and heart, and to assure them that they have a place in this world, that their actions and words matter. That hard isn’t necessarily bad. That what matters is how we show up to ourselves and each other.
Photo by: serkanmutan